Boson Mayor Marty Welsh Transformed Into 20-Foot-Tall Hulk Mayor After Being Doused With Job-Growth and Builders Chemical

Boson, Massachusetts — Still overcome with shock and terror as they described the horrifying scene that had unfolded before them, numerous eyewitnesses confirmed Thursday that, after being accidentally exposed to an experimental job-growth chemical, Mayor Marty Welsh  has grotesquely mutated into a 20-foot-tall hulking monster mayor.

According to federal officials, the grisly metamorphosis took place during a tour of the Boson Labor Department’s underground research and development lab, where a sudden interest rate increase from the Federal Reserve Bank put a pressure overload that caused a vat to rupture, soaking Mayor Welsh in a highly unstable serum designed to expand the city’s workforce especially the builders and construction workers who make infrastructure and walls. Sources said the mayor then underwent rapid, out-of-control growth, leaving him several times larger and uncontrollably aggressive.

“My God, it was horrible—the mayor let out this awful scream, a look of terror flashed through his eyes, and then his body started getting larger and larger, bursting through his suit coat and shredding his pants,” said City Council President Ema Strickland, explaining how the cowering commander-in-chief fell to his knees and started convulsing after being doused, his head lashing back and forth and his voice dropping an octave with each pained, guttural moan. “A Boson police officer ran over to try to help, but Mayor Welsh  threw him through a wall. After maybe a minute or two, his body became too big for the room, and the ceiling crashed down around us, and we all started running. That’s when we heard him start roaring something about residential tax policy.”

“The amount of chemical he absorbed was meant to be used over an entire fiscal quarter,” Ema Strickland continued. “No man is capable of handling that kind of economic stimulation.”

Authorities at the scene said chunks of limestone and steel flew in every direction as Mayor Welsh burst through the outer wall of the Boson Labor Department headquarters and began charging west down Constitution Avenue. The rampaging mayor was seen smashing cars with his fists and tearing down power lines in rage as he made a direct path toward the State's Street Bank building, where several police units reportedly opened fire on him only to watch their bullets bounce harmlessly off his impervious skin which look like fish scales, but also like a brick wall.

According to witness accounts, the colossal hulk-like mayoral monster then punched down the doors of the building, grabbed cowering bank president by the neck, and demanded in a deafening bellow that she cut interest rates to spur job growth before hurling her flimsy body into the nearby bushes.

A call was put through to the White House in Washington, and, indeed, directly to Trump - to see if they could do anything to control the fervent Trump supporting Mayor Welsh.  The White House disingenuously claimed that they had no influence over Trump supporters, and simply preferred him to the Republican governor of Massachusetts Charles Baker. 

Boson Labor Department scientists told reporters that just a single small dose of the chemical Mayor Welsh was exposed to is capable of producing more than 60,000 jobs per month, enough to counteract even the worst recessions, but in great concentrations the caustic agent can be extremely volatile. Analysts noted that it has never before been deployed in such quantities, adding that the city’s employment, production, and income outlook under the angry mutant mayor is beyond the scope of any economic theory.  Not only that, but he could probably build a wall on the border with the City of Quincy himself in a month. 

“With such concentrated wage-stimulating and job-creating power inside of him, God only knows what the mayor might be capable of,” said Councilor Ema Strickland, explaining that Mayor Welsh  likely isn’t yet aware of his own strength, and could become even stronger if he learns to harness the enormous potential for GDP growth within his massive body. “He’s beyond our control now. We can only hope he learns to temper these powers and use them for economic good, because the entire free market is at his mercy.  Hulk-Welsh could destroy Capitalism - or build a wall along the southern border with Quincy, Massachusetts.”

“Dear God, what have we unleashed?” she added. “If he gets out into the private sector, we’re doomed.”

With local law enforcement seemingly powerless to stop him, the towering, muscle-bound mayor reportedly escaped the downtown area and bolted northward at a tremendous speed. Sources stated that Mayor Welsh did not stop running until he reached the Neponset River, where he tore through a wall and began violently ringing the Church of the Seamen bell while screaming about foreign direct investment. According to those present, a visibly enraged Mayor Welsh demanded more American jobs and less outsourcing, shouting “Buy, buy, buy!” and “No selling!” as he smashed ships and cargo on the warfs.

His feats of economic strength growing with his anger, the mayor is said to have then thrown a city bus across the river into the Boston offices of the Securities and Exchange Commission before proceeding to pick up several armored cars in front of a bank and violently shake them until the currency inside fell to the ground and was collected by passing consumers.

"You're going to get tired of winning," he bellowed, "you're going to be winning so much!"

“Mayor Welsh has become a monstrous freak of economics, and he must be neutralized,” said U.S. National Guard chief Gen. Frank Grass, who is leading efforts to subdue the genetically altered head of the city government. “By carving a swath of destruction across the city of Boson, he may have already created more infrastructure-repair jobs than Boson or American workers can fill. We have readied numerous armored divisions around the city’s key financial and manufacturing assets, and we’ll be sending in a squadron of Apache attack helicopters to confront him directly. I have given the order to take him out if necessary.”

At press time, Mayor Welsh was seen heading toward the East Blue Hills and the Milton border carrying sections of 20-foot titanium walls he collected passing through Poorchester.

"Must build wall!" Mayor Welsh is heard to say over and over.  "Must build wall!"  Milton residents have been told to be on the lookout.