Massachusetts Governor Charles Duane Baker Jr Prohibits Outdoor Barbecue on 4th of July Across Commonwealth

"Let them eat steak, but only indoors with social distancing"


Boson, MA—Massachusetts Governor Charles Duane Baker Jr.  has ordered all citizens to barbecue indoors on the 4th of July.

The executive order restricts all Independence Day celebrations to inside only.

"You're more than welcome to celebrate your freedoms with a barbecue as long as you don't go outside," he said, pounding his fist on the podium at his daily COVID-19 presser.

"Spreading a deadly virus is an act of murder in today's world.  Celebrate your freedoms, but, do it inside your home."  The governor then introduce a Fire Marshal who explained how to safely grill over a charcoal fire while indoors.

"You must open at least two windows," he explained.  "I can't emphasize this enough.  Charcoal emits a number of toxic chemical and simply wearing a PPE mask is not enough.  People who are in the early stages of COVID-19 infection may  be particularly impacted by the fumes and smoke from an indoor fire. 

One reporter asked if people would be better off just cooking on their stove top or in a microwave.

"What kind of an American would do that," the visibly angry governor interjected.  "The Fourth means a cook-out, or in this case a cook-in.  If you can't understand that, go to China or Russia where they don't have freedom like we have in the US because of the 4th of July." 

A remembrance of things past...
 As for anyone who dares to violate the orders and is seen by the police outside, I will remind people that the jails and prisons have let a number of inmates out so that there is room to put people who are violating the lockdown rules." 

At publishing time, sources had confirmed this restriction would likely be extended through Labor Day in September 2020.




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