Gov Baker Orders Massachusettites To Only Launch Fireworks Indoors This Year - COVID-1984

Boson MASS—Governor Charles Duane Baker Jr.  held a somber press conference today where he instructed residents of the commonwealth on how to celebrate the traditional summer holiday on the 4th of July in the age of COVID-1984.



"Independence Day will be very 'independent' this year as we urge everyone to shelter in place while setting off individual size fire works," the governor said.

"Of course anyone who launches an infernal device inside a home should wear a full face mask with plastic eye shields, or safety glasses, and obviously ear plugs," Governor Baker continued.  "Look up the rules on the state website."



"I know you all want to go out and celebrate how free you are," he said, "but fortunately, our state is not governed by some antique Constitution written by slave owners and slave owner enablers. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts is governed by science!"

Indoor Fireworks (0:59 min)


When the governor said 'science' with emphasis the assembled state house workers applauded.   The governor has submitted a request to have a new state police force called "Science Police" who will answer directly to the governor's science council bypassing the elected state legislature's constant 'gridlock.' 

State fire officials held a follow up press conference and cautioned against having any fireworks shows indoors.



"Watch fire works on television or go online for a video file," the spokeshuman said.  "For goodness sake, down like explosives indoors."

Fourth of July in Boson, Massachusetts

(0:59 min) 






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